Dear Laine,
I am getting married in January and have been planning my wedding for several months. My best friend since elementary school is my maid-of-honor and has done so much to help me with the planning and the little details. I am so grateful to her for all that work. She recently found out she is pregnant and due very close to the time of my upcoming wedding. My parents think I should ask her to step down as my maid-of-honor and choose someone else, but I don't want to damage my friendship with her at a time when we both should be our happiest.
I don't want my wedding ruined by not having a maid-of-honor or having her going into labor at the alter, but I can't imagine getting married without her there where she belongs either. HELP! What do I do?
Signed,
Bride-to-Be Friendless?
Dear Friendless?,
It sounds to me as if you have already answered your own question, you are just looking for someone to give you permission to follow your heart and act on it. If this girl is your friend, I'm surprised she has not offered to step aside as your maid-of-honor because I'm sure she has done the math as well.
What you could do is ask her if she thinks it would be a good idea for you to pick a 'stand-in' for her in case the baby has timing issues and shows up at a bad time. Let her pick the stand-in! Even get a photo of her blown up to life size and have a cardboard cut-out made so that in the event your friend cannot be in attendance at your wedding, she can still be represented there.
Do what your heart tells you is the RIGHT thing--even if others think it tacky! If you really want your friend there and can think of no one you'd rather has as your maid-of-honor, then either change the wedding date to insure it goes off without labor pains or run the risk of her not being there because she had a more pressing engagement.
Good luck and congrats on the upcoming nuptials! I wish you a long and happy marriage!
Blissfully,
Laine
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
One Trick Pony At Dinner
Dear Laine,
My 2 yr old refuses to eat anything except ravioli. I don't mind feeding it to him once in a while, but three times a day?
I have tried everything I can think of to get him to eat something different, but he would rather be hungry than eat eggs and toast for breakfast or even peanut butter and jelly. HELP!
Signed,
Ravaged Over Ravioli
Dear Ravaged,
Have you consulted his doctor about this? If not, I suggest you do that first to make sure your child won't be missing out on something he really needs by eating ravioli or whatever will be his most favorite favorite food tomorrow. As long as his doctor says it is not harmful to your child, then feed him what he will eat!
Most kids go through this stage at some point. Mine sure did! But her thing was McDonald's Happy Meals! For about a week, that is the only thing she would eat! I could give her other things as long as there was that Happy Meal with it! I eventually got smart and sliced up some carrot sticks and pepper strips and stuck them in a french fry wrapper. She was none the wiser and ate them! As long as they came out of that Happy Meal box, she was good to go!
That phase lasted about a week, then she moved on to something else. Her pediatrician told me as long as she was getting her vitamins every day, it was fine to let her eat and make her own choices about what she ate because she was learning to do that. We both survived that phase of her development!
Good luck! Just remember the toddler age is good training for the teenage years! Learn to out-think him now and it will be much easier to do so when he's 15!
Survived the Toddler Years,
Laine
My 2 yr old refuses to eat anything except ravioli. I don't mind feeding it to him once in a while, but three times a day?
I have tried everything I can think of to get him to eat something different, but he would rather be hungry than eat eggs and toast for breakfast or even peanut butter and jelly. HELP!
Signed,
Ravaged Over Ravioli
Dear Ravaged,
Have you consulted his doctor about this? If not, I suggest you do that first to make sure your child won't be missing out on something he really needs by eating ravioli or whatever will be his most favorite favorite food tomorrow. As long as his doctor says it is not harmful to your child, then feed him what he will eat!
Most kids go through this stage at some point. Mine sure did! But her thing was McDonald's Happy Meals! For about a week, that is the only thing she would eat! I could give her other things as long as there was that Happy Meal with it! I eventually got smart and sliced up some carrot sticks and pepper strips and stuck them in a french fry wrapper. She was none the wiser and ate them! As long as they came out of that Happy Meal box, she was good to go!
That phase lasted about a week, then she moved on to something else. Her pediatrician told me as long as she was getting her vitamins every day, it was fine to let her eat and make her own choices about what she ate because she was learning to do that. We both survived that phase of her development!
Good luck! Just remember the toddler age is good training for the teenage years! Learn to out-think him now and it will be much easier to do so when he's 15!
Survived the Toddler Years,
Laine
Friday, July 3, 2009
Scary movie damages relationship
Dear Laine,
My husband allowed our 6 yr old daughter to watch a 'scary' movie on television the other night. She asked permission to watch it and since it was on a kid-friendly network, he said it would be ok, since it probably wouldn't be that scary. He even sat with her during the entire film. Once the movie was over, she was told to go to bed and she started to cry saying the movie had scared her too much to sleep alone.
I insisted. I told her she was happy watching the movie, that it hadn't scared her that much and she needed to go to bed. During the night, she kept coming into our bed, but each time I put her back in her own.
Today I'm feeling very guilty about doing that. I'm afraid I have scarred her for life! My husband agrees it was the right thing to do and says she will forget all about this in a day or two, but my daughter is not talking to me. She said I didn't care that she was scared and she doesn't love me anymore. Did I do the right thing? And what should I do now to make her love me again?
Signed,
Scared Mama
Dear Scared Mama,
Sounds to me as if you have a very typical 6 yr old child in your house! She is trying to figure out if she is a big girl or not, so watching a movie she thinks is scary seemed like a good idea at the time. It just didn't quite feel the way she thought it would when the credits rolled and it was time to go to sleep--alone!
You did do the right thing, but maybe you went about it in the wrong way. Did you do anything to convince her she was safe in her own bed and that she had nothing to fear? Did you soothe her fears or did you just toss her into her room and expect her to turn her imagination off and sleep?
Parents do the best they can with what they have to work with at the time! If she is having this kind of a reaction to what transpired, the best way to handle it is to talk to her about it. Acknowledge her fears and her hurt feelings. Tell her you may have made a mistake and you want to make sure it doesn't happen again. Tell her she is such a big girl that sometimes you both forget that she isn't as grown up as either of you think. The last thing you want is for her to hide her fear! She needs to know that she can come to you with them--no matter how silly they may be.
If she is still having issues, go through a bedtime routine that includes lots of cuddling and checking under the bed and in the closet and corners. You can even get some 'monster spray' to use. I used a special air freshener, with a homemade label that read "Monster Spray--guaranteed to keep all monsters away for 24 1/2 hours without respraying" and one on the back that read "spray contents under beds, in closets and corners and anywhere else monsters tend to hide. Monsters will not come near a room that smells good." My child was able to let her monster fears go.
Just reassure her that you are there for her when she needs you, but that she is a big girl now and she needs to prove that to herself. Tell her you believe in her! And see if your child doesn't blossom and even start talking to you again.
Good luck!
BTDT,
Laine
My husband allowed our 6 yr old daughter to watch a 'scary' movie on television the other night. She asked permission to watch it and since it was on a kid-friendly network, he said it would be ok, since it probably wouldn't be that scary. He even sat with her during the entire film. Once the movie was over, she was told to go to bed and she started to cry saying the movie had scared her too much to sleep alone.
I insisted. I told her she was happy watching the movie, that it hadn't scared her that much and she needed to go to bed. During the night, she kept coming into our bed, but each time I put her back in her own.
Today I'm feeling very guilty about doing that. I'm afraid I have scarred her for life! My husband agrees it was the right thing to do and says she will forget all about this in a day or two, but my daughter is not talking to me. She said I didn't care that she was scared and she doesn't love me anymore. Did I do the right thing? And what should I do now to make her love me again?
Signed,
Scared Mama
Dear Scared Mama,
Sounds to me as if you have a very typical 6 yr old child in your house! She is trying to figure out if she is a big girl or not, so watching a movie she thinks is scary seemed like a good idea at the time. It just didn't quite feel the way she thought it would when the credits rolled and it was time to go to sleep--alone!
You did do the right thing, but maybe you went about it in the wrong way. Did you do anything to convince her she was safe in her own bed and that she had nothing to fear? Did you soothe her fears or did you just toss her into her room and expect her to turn her imagination off and sleep?
Parents do the best they can with what they have to work with at the time! If she is having this kind of a reaction to what transpired, the best way to handle it is to talk to her about it. Acknowledge her fears and her hurt feelings. Tell her you may have made a mistake and you want to make sure it doesn't happen again. Tell her she is such a big girl that sometimes you both forget that she isn't as grown up as either of you think. The last thing you want is for her to hide her fear! She needs to know that she can come to you with them--no matter how silly they may be.
If she is still having issues, go through a bedtime routine that includes lots of cuddling and checking under the bed and in the closet and corners. You can even get some 'monster spray' to use. I used a special air freshener, with a homemade label that read "Monster Spray--guaranteed to keep all monsters away for 24 1/2 hours without respraying" and one on the back that read "spray contents under beds, in closets and corners and anywhere else monsters tend to hide. Monsters will not come near a room that smells good." My child was able to let her monster fears go.
Just reassure her that you are there for her when she needs you, but that she is a big girl now and she needs to prove that to herself. Tell her you believe in her! And see if your child doesn't blossom and even start talking to you again.
Good luck!
BTDT,
Laine
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
It's a party unless the family shows up!
Dear Laine,
I want to give a party for my husband's birthday. The trouble is he has 3 siblings and each sibling has a spouse. Two of the three spouses are really annoying (loud, antagonistic, etc.) The other one sits in a corner, complains about the temperature of the wine or how she doesn't drink certain brands of soda and then always leaves after a couple of hours at our house claiming that they have to go feed their cat.
Because I wanted this party to be special for my husband, I ONLY invited the people he enjoys being with after he commented that he had a really hard time with a couple of the spouses at the last party.
Now, I am wondering if I should have invited everyone and to heck with it. I'm feeling kind of guilty for leaving the annoying ones out, because I would feel bad if I found out there was a party and I wasn't invited. SO...What should I do?
Signed,
Party Pooper
Dear Party Pooper,
Ask yourself this...if those same people were not related to you by an accident of birth or by marriage, would you even consider inviting them to your party? If the answer is YES, then maybe you should go ahead and bite the bullet and invite them. I have a feeling the answer is more along the lines of "oh HELL no!" though, isn't it??
This is supposed to be a celebration!! A PARTY!! Kinda hard to have either of those going on when there are people who annoy the T-livin' CRAP out of you there doing just that and to add insult to injury, you have to know they are only there because they are 'family'!! I say invite ONLY those people who are special to your husband! Make this one about HIM, not them!
If they get all knicker knotted over not being invited and want to know WHY, that is an easy fix as well. First make sure they REALLY wanna know and then TELL THEM! Say this, "Because you are as annoying as hell and we didn't want to spend such a happy day around you, THAT'S WHY!!" Trust me, a tad bit of honesty will do one of two things---they will either get so pissed off that they never speak to you again OR they will take it as a hint that they need to fix their personality defects and will become the kind of people you don't cringe at the thought of seeing at a funeral! Either way, it's a WIN/WIN for you!
Look, they call it a family TREE for a reason---sometimes to save the entire thing, you have to lop off the dead wood!! Just because someone happens to be born or marries into the same family doesn't mean you have to endure them at every family gathering!
Good luck, and be sure to let me know how it goes for you!
That's my plugged nickel's worth on the topic,
Laine
I want to give a party for my husband's birthday. The trouble is he has 3 siblings and each sibling has a spouse. Two of the three spouses are really annoying (loud, antagonistic, etc.) The other one sits in a corner, complains about the temperature of the wine or how she doesn't drink certain brands of soda and then always leaves after a couple of hours at our house claiming that they have to go feed their cat.
Because I wanted this party to be special for my husband, I ONLY invited the people he enjoys being with after he commented that he had a really hard time with a couple of the spouses at the last party.
Now, I am wondering if I should have invited everyone and to heck with it. I'm feeling kind of guilty for leaving the annoying ones out, because I would feel bad if I found out there was a party and I wasn't invited. SO...What should I do?
Signed,
Party Pooper
Dear Party Pooper,
Ask yourself this...if those same people were not related to you by an accident of birth or by marriage, would you even consider inviting them to your party? If the answer is YES, then maybe you should go ahead and bite the bullet and invite them. I have a feeling the answer is more along the lines of "oh HELL no!" though, isn't it??
This is supposed to be a celebration!! A PARTY!! Kinda hard to have either of those going on when there are people who annoy the T-livin' CRAP out of you there doing just that and to add insult to injury, you have to know they are only there because they are 'family'!! I say invite ONLY those people who are special to your husband! Make this one about HIM, not them!
If they get all knicker knotted over not being invited and want to know WHY, that is an easy fix as well. First make sure they REALLY wanna know and then TELL THEM! Say this, "Because you are as annoying as hell and we didn't want to spend such a happy day around you, THAT'S WHY!!" Trust me, a tad bit of honesty will do one of two things---they will either get so pissed off that they never speak to you again OR they will take it as a hint that they need to fix their personality defects and will become the kind of people you don't cringe at the thought of seeing at a funeral! Either way, it's a WIN/WIN for you!
Look, they call it a family TREE for a reason---sometimes to save the entire thing, you have to lop off the dead wood!! Just because someone happens to be born or marries into the same family doesn't mean you have to endure them at every family gathering!
Good luck, and be sure to let me know how it goes for you!
That's my plugged nickel's worth on the topic,
Laine
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