My husband and I went out to dinner the other night and saw my best friend's husband eating dinner with another woman. At first we thought it might be completely innocent--a business dinner or something. It did not appear to be anything else while they were in the restaurant, but when we were leaving we passed by my friend's car and saw her husband and this woman kissing quite passionately in the front seat.
I think I should tell my friend what I saw. My husband says I should stay out of it because it is not our business and telling her may only ruin our friendship. The husbands are not friends, so I think he just doesn't realize how devastating it is to keep this kind of secret from my friend.
If I tell her, it will hurt her. If I don't tell her and she finds out I knew, it will hurt her. What would you do in my place?
Concerned Busy Body
Dear Concerned,
You have already lost the opportunity to do what I would have done because I would have been knocking on the window of that car, letting him know I'd seen him. Then I'd give him 24 hours to either tell his wife or answer her questions when I told her.
I do see your husband's point, though. You know how that saying, "Don't shoot the messenger" came about, don't you? There is a chance your friend will believe her husband would never do such a thing and blame you for trying to ruin her marriage with lies. There is also a chance your friend already knows or at least suspects there is a third wheel in her marriage.
If this woman is a dear friend, then do what your heart says is the right thing. You could always watch "A Letter to Three Wives" together and see if she'd want to know if her husband was having an affair before you make up your mind.
Just know that no matter which way you decide, your friend is going to be hurt. But if you let her know you are there for her, maybe the hurt won't be long lasting.
I wish you luck. Please know you are in my thoughts and your friend is in my prayers.
Decidedly,
Laine
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