Dear Laine,

My 27 year old boyfriend never worked a real job in his life and is lying to me about looking for a job.

He has a Bachelor's degree in economics. Would anyone hire him at his age without any previous experience? I really want him to have a job before our wedding next month. How can I help him find one?

Anxious GF

Dear Anxious,

He is lying to you about looking for a job and you want to know if a company would hire him with no experience?? Do you see the quantum leap over a very important detail there?? WHY would you want to be with someone who lies to you about something like that? My gramma always said 'if he'll lie about one thing, he'll lie about everything!" And "you can lock up from a thief, but you can't lock up from a liar, so avoid those!"

If you know he is lying, he is not only LAZY but dishonest. If he does manage to get a job (never know, one might just land in his lap while he's playing xbox) I would doubt he would be able to keep it for long.

Be really REALLY sure before you invest too much on this one. Sounds like a loser to me. If you don't believe me, ask your mom or any older female relative. If they tell you to hook your wagon to that pony I'll give up chocolate for a month!!

Not worried about my chocolate,

Laine

To Tell or Not to Tell..That Is the Question

Dear Laine,

My husband and I went out to dinner the other night and saw my best friend's husband eating dinner with another woman. At first we thought it might be completely innocent--a business dinner or something. It did not appear to be anything else while they were in the restaurant, but when we were leaving we passed by my friend's car and saw her husband and this woman kissing quite passionately in the front seat.

I think I should tell my friend what I saw. My husband says I should stay out of it because it is not our business and telling her may only ruin our friendship. The husbands are not friends, so I think he just doesn't realize how devastating it is to keep this kind of secret from my friend.

If I tell her, it will hurt her. If I don't tell her and she finds out I knew, it will hurt her. What would you do in my place?

Concerned Busy Body

Dear Concerned,

You have already lost the opportunity to do what I would have done because I would have been knocking on the window of that car, letting him know I'd seen him. Then I'd give him 24 hours to either tell his wife or answer her questions when I told her.

I do see your husband's point, though. You know how that saying, "Don't shoot the messenger" came about, don't you? There is a chance your friend will believe her husband would never do such a thing and blame you for trying to ruin her marriage with lies. There is also a chance your friend already knows or at least suspects there is a third wheel in her marriage.

If this woman is a dear friend, then do what your heart says is the right thing. You could always watch "A Letter to Three Wives" together and see if she'd want to know if her husband was having an affair before you make up your mind.

Just know that no matter which way you decide, your friend is going to be hurt. But if you let her know you are there for her, maybe the hurt won't be long lasting.

I wish you luck. Please know you are in my thoughts and your friend is in my prayers.

Decidedly,

Laine

Dear Laine,
My husband got not one, but TWO tickets on the same day (less than an hour apart) because his tag blew off of his utility trailer he uses for work. Now he has to go to court. I think he should tell the judge that if he would explain how making a hard-working citizen pay two fines for what was really an act of God is protecting the community in any way, then we'd be happy to pay the fine, otherwise he should forget about it. What do you think?
Signed,
Ticked Over the Tickets

Dear Ticked,
That approach might be a good thing ONLY if a contempt of court charge and a visit to the county jail is on your husband's bucket list. If not, I wouldn't recommend it. Judges, like most folks, do not like ultimatums. I say why tempt fate? That judge may be itching to prove a point and bad attitude like that will only offer yourself as guinea pig for that experiment.

And if I may, I think you are failing to see the main point here which is this: if the tag had been secured properly, it would not have blown off in the first place. The law says the trailer must have a tag. Your husband's didn't. End of discussion.

Now the judge may or may not dismiss the charges--depending on the reason your husband gives and his attitude and the judge's personality. My advice (though I am no lawyer, just offering some common horse sense here) is to acknowledge the mistake, prove that steps have been taken to insure it never happens again, show remorse for the error and don't blame the cops and MAYBE you walk. Of course, if the cops don't show up for court, it may all be dismissed anyway. GOOD LUCK!!

Decidedly,
Laine

Teens dating at home..is this "normal?"

Dear Laine,
My daughter is 17 and her boyfriend is 16 1/2. They are both good kids and I've never had any problems with their dating. The problem is they never actually 'date' outside of our home. They are always together, but they are here with my husband and me. They are never left alone in a bedroom or anything like that. We cook dinner together and play board games and sometimes watch a DVD. On the rare occasion they do go out, it is usually just to a movie or to grab a burger and then right back to our house.
My question is, IS THIS NORMAL?
My husband says it isn't, but since he knows where they are and what they're doing, he isn't worried. I'm just concerned they are hanging around with us to avoid being tempted to have sex.
What do YOU think?
Signed,
Concerned Mom of a Teen

Dear Concerned Mom,
Are you KIDDING ME? Your daughter actually WANTS to spend time with you playing games and watching television and you are worried it's to avoid having sex with her boyfriend? And you want to know what I think? OK..here it is:
BE HAPPY your child isn't doing everything under the sun to avoid spending time with you and your husband so that she CAN have sex with her boyfriend. Be HAPPY she has a boyfriend who, apparently anyway, enjoys being with her when all her clothes are still on her body! Be HAPPY they both have nothing to PROVE by getting pregnant before they are 18.
I say invest in some new board games. You don't want them getting bored with the ones you have. Use that time to talk to them about what is really important in a relationship--trust, respect, friendship--the things only TIME can foster properly.
Then count your blessings!!

That's my plugged nickel's worth on it,
Good luck!
Laine

Dear Laine,
I have an issue with the way my pastor has handled a situation involving my children and I don't know what to do about it.
My children are teens and are very active in our church's youth program as are the pastor's two children and the son of one of our deacons. These particular kids tend to sit together during services and at any church related function we may have off church property as well.
A couple of weeks ago, during worship service, the pastor's wife shushed the kids rather loudly and embarrassed the deacon's son. The deacon's wife was very upset that the pastor's wife corrected her child when it was the pastor's girls who were giggling and making loud noises.
This past Wednesday night, the pastor gave a rather stern lecture to the teens about how to behave in church and made rather pointed comments that were aimed directly at my children and the deacon's son. The pastor's girls were not even in attendance at this service. The deacon's wife walked out of the service taking her son with her. My children were left to hear the rest of the pastor's stern lecture when they were not the ones involved in the incident (I was sitting two rows behind them and saw that they were not involved) I feel the pastor should have spoken to the parents first or at least made sure his own children were there.
My children are rather upset that they bore the brunt of the lecture when they had committed none of the infraction and are refusing to go to church this Sunday. What do I do? I feel trapped in the middle. HELP!
Signed,
Trying to be a good Baptist

Dear Trying,
On a side note:
This reminds me of a joke my minister uncle used to tell.
Why are the deacon's children such brats? They hang around with the pastor's kids too much!
To the answer you asked for:

I have a two-part question for you and maybe by answering you will find the solution to your problem as I see it.
When you walk into that church, do you stop being their MOTHER and do you check your backbone at the door?
Why should you allow anyone, pastor, principal, father, etc., to berate your children when you do not deem it necessary? Who gave birth to those kids, you or the pastor? I think the deacon's wife was dead-on the money when she spoke loud and clear her objections to the pastor's behavior by walking out taking her child with her.

Dr. Phil may have coined this phrase but he did not invent the sentiment, "You teach people how to treat you." Anytime you are faced with a situation where someone is not treating you the way you wish to be treated and you do not speak up and let them know, you are allowing it to continue. By accepting this treatment of your children without speaking up for them, you are sending them a very clear message as well, "We are not worthy of Mom's time and energy to protect our reputations." Is that the message you want your children to receive?
I say the pastor owes your children an apology--as openly as he gave the admonishment not in private. He should be man enough and Christian enough to realize his error and make amends for it. If he is not willing to do so, then I say go shopping for another church.
Sounds like the pastor's wife may have had more to do with that little Wednesday night sermon than anything else. And I think I'd be telling her if she has issues with my children's behavior and they are not in a dangerous situation at the time she is not to correct them, but speak to me. If I deem their behavior worthy of admonishment, I will be the one to administer it as well.
Separating your children from the pastor's kids from now on might not be a bad idea either. Sounds to me as if they might not be the best influence.
I wish you luck. Being raised in the Southern Baptist church myself I know how hard it can be for some women to remember where their backbones are. I hope you find yours soon and don't ever forget you have one again!

Laine

Baby's Due Date Puts Bride's Day at Risk

Dear Laine,
I am getting married in January and have been planning my wedding for several months. My best friend since elementary school is my maid-of-honor and has done so much to help me with the planning and the little details. I am so grateful to her for all that work. She recently found out she is pregnant and due very close to the time of my upcoming wedding. My parents think I should ask her to step down as my maid-of-honor and choose someone else, but I don't want to damage my friendship with her at a time when we both should be our happiest.
I don't want my wedding ruined by not having a maid-of-honor or having her going into labor at the alter, but I can't imagine getting married without her there where she belongs either. HELP! What do I do?

Signed,
Bride-to-Be Friendless?

Dear Friendless?,
It sounds to me as if you have already answered your own question, you are just looking for someone to give you permission to follow your heart and act on it. If this girl is your friend, I'm surprised she has not offered to step aside as your maid-of-honor because I'm sure she has done the math as well.

What you could do is ask her if she thinks it would be a good idea for you to pick a 'stand-in' for her in case the baby has timing issues and shows up at a bad time. Let her pick the stand-in! Even get a photo of her blown up to life size and have a cardboard cut-out made so that in the event your friend cannot be in attendance at your wedding, she can still be represented there.

Do what your heart tells you is the RIGHT thing--even if others think it tacky! If you really want your friend there and can think of no one you'd rather has as your maid-of-honor, then either change the wedding date to insure it goes off without labor pains or run the risk of her not being there because she had a more pressing engagement.

Good luck and congrats on the upcoming nuptials! I wish you a long and happy marriage!

Blissfully,
Laine

One Trick Pony At Dinner

Dear Laine,
My 2 yr old refuses to eat anything except ravioli. I don't mind feeding it to him once in a while, but three times a day?
I have tried everything I can think of to get him to eat something different, but he would rather be hungry than eat eggs and toast for breakfast or even peanut butter and jelly. HELP!
Signed,
Ravaged Over Ravioli

Dear Ravaged,
Have you consulted his doctor about this? If not, I suggest you do that first to make sure your child won't be missing out on something he really needs by eating ravioli or whatever will be his most favorite favorite food tomorrow. As long as his doctor says it is not harmful to your child, then feed him what he will eat!
Most kids go through this stage at some point. Mine sure did! But her thing was McDonald's Happy Meals! For about a week, that is the only thing she would eat! I could give her other things as long as there was that Happy Meal with it! I eventually got smart and sliced up some carrot sticks and pepper strips and stuck them in a french fry wrapper. She was none the wiser and ate them! As long as they came out of that Happy Meal box, she was good to go!
That phase lasted about a week, then she moved on to something else. Her pediatrician told me as long as she was getting her vitamins every day, it was fine to let her eat and make her own choices about what she ate because she was learning to do that. We both survived that phase of her development!
Good luck! Just remember the toddler age is good training for the teenage years! Learn to out-think him now and it will be much easier to do so when he's 15!

Survived the Toddler Years,
Laine